Reflections on Aggression

This week I was verbally abused by someone in my work place (not a fellow-worker). There was a trivial, piddling matter last week which she felt that I had not resolved the way that she would have resolved it. She held onto her anger for six days, then approached me. She had no desire to engage in a discussion and resolve the trivial matter, she only wanted to attack me. She left me with no room to speak at all. She attacked my character, my professionalism and my ability to make decisions. She finished by telling me that she would take the matter over my head to my administration team. This was when I finally got to speak. All I said was “That sounds like the best thing to do. Go to the admin team, go there now.” When she left I was shaking; my hands, my legs, my confidence were all shaking.

I work in a very supportive environment. She was just as abrupt when she got to the admin team. They were incredulous when they saw her reaction to such a minor issue. As a result of her behaviour she has been sent a warning letter. If there is another event she will be banned from our grounds. If she breaches this we have the right to involve the police.

All of that is academic. It is straight forward and an easy procedure to follow. This does not begin to describe the way I am feeling. I do not understand aggressive behaviour, and in truth I have no motivation to begin to understand it. I find it unpredictable, without logic, as such I cannot plan for what may happen next. I cannot prepare myself for how this person may repsond to any situation. My solution would be to put myself into a place where I would simply not cross paths with her ever again, but this is not an option. I will have to deal with her for the rest of this year. Today I was going to the shop and I found myself worrying that I may see her there and wondering how I would deal with that. I know that with the benefit of time this will disappear, but right now I just don’t want to deal with it.

Maybe Silverchair said it best:
No more maybes
Your baby’s got rabies
Sitting on a ball
In the middle of the Andes
Yeah, I’m a freak of nature
Yeah, I’m a freak…… What ever that means!

For the Uninitiated

THIS is a quilting machine.

This is the one that I own now. This will be my small one when my new one arrives. The sewing machine sits on a frame, which has tracks which go left to right, and on a carriage, which has tracks which go forward and backward. This means that it can move smoothly in all planes by pulling the machine across the quilt as it sews. This frame is four metres long to allow me to quilt even the biggest quilt by pinning it to the rollers that you can see. The actual sewing machine, which is to the right of the photo, is only a sixteen inch throat, meaning that I can quilt the width of the quilt by about fourteen inches at a time. This one attaches to the computer, so I can program a pattern and it will stitch it out using vectors.

My new machine has a 26 inch throat, but only a 3.6m frame. It has stitch regulation (the feature that I was desperate to get), which means that when I move the machine across the fabric it will do ten stiches for every inch of movement. The motor is activated by movement, so if I move slowly it stitches slowly. I will use it to do custom work by hand.

Does that make sense to everyone? Now you can see why I needed a big space to fit it!

My Studio

Ten years ago my Pete and I built the house in which we live. At the time the plan included a two car garage. Since we were already paying for floor and roof, we opted to make this a room and extend the roof forward to make an open car-port for our cars.

This room has been through several incarnations. It was initially called the toy room. In true socialist manner I hate the notion that one child might ‘own’ a toy and not let the other enjoy it. In the toy room all toys were available to all children. At times large lego cities were established that couldn’t be broken, but that was ok, we could just close the door.

For a while my sister, Peta, and her husband lived in this room with their bed, tv and fridge, as they waited for their new house to be built. It was quite a happy arrangement. It didn’t cause us any stress because they were able to have their own space, and they cooked the dinner half the time.

The room then became a bit of a teenagers’ retreat. It housed computer, tv, stereo, playstation etc. When the children had friends to visit we could again close the door. All the toys that we couldn’t throw out were moved into the spare bedroom.

NOW the room is my studio. We have just pulled apart and re-arranged the room in preparation for the arrival of my new quilting machine. It should be here in the next few days.

Against this wall are some old school library shelves which my Pete made into this fabulous unit of shelves.

The opposite wall has the computers, tv,stereo, playstation and my fabric cupboard. See that drawing board in the middle of the room? I have been trying to get rid of that for years, but my Pete is quite sentimental about it. (Wish he could be sentimental about things small enough to fit into a shoe box!) Architects don’t even use drawing boards any more, but he spent MANY hours late into the night while we were at university sitting there and drawing. The little table is my working table for when I am quilting.

This is my desk. It was an old bank desk which my Pete has restored for me. It weighs a tonne! Opposite my desk is all the space that my children have left in this room – a couch and a play station.

This open space is awaiting the arrival of my new quilting machine. I don’t know if it will fit. My Pete has counted out tiles and he thinks it’s big enough. If it isn’t then the drawing board, couch and playstation will be finding new homes!!!

I spend many hours in this room with the airconditioner on and the radio blaring. Where do you spend many hours?

Just blinked once and…

she grew up.

This year my daughter is in her final year of school. By this time next year she will have launched herself into the world.

Like all well adjusted, studious, hard-working students in their final year her thoughts are firmly focussed on…

the end of year formal.

She is already considering what she should wear. Some people are already deciding who should be their partner, but she hasn’t told me that she is worrying about that. (She hasn’t told me.) My daughter is a beautiful girl – petite in a way that I never was, olive toned in a way that I could never be, confident in a way that took me many years to learn. She is probably what I would have yearned to be in those years before I decided that I was pretty happy just being me.

Today she and my sister went frock shopping, well browsing actually. Just to see what is out there, she what suits her and what she might like. Of course they took the camera. Look at these results

This colour and fabric look just beautiful, but she was worried that she might have to spend a lot of time making adjustments to maintain her dignity – either that or invest in some heavy-duty skin-friendly double-sided tape.

This one was her favourite design. It was comfortable and showed her off nicely, but the colour is not quite right for her. It only costs $995.00. (CHOKE) I doubt very much that my car would fetch that much on the open market! I don’t know why she would want a dress for that price when I can find treasures like this online for less than $500.00. Surely the gold wonderwoman look is fashionable!!

It is going to be a long year!

PS My children are regular readers of my blog. They laugh and mock me mercilessly. Their heads grow bigger with each nice comment that you make about them. They think that they are inside my head and can work out how I think. Like a good and balanced parent, from time to time I need to cause them embarrassment. It is my responsiblity as a parent of teenage children.

Grand Final Winners

On Saturday my son’s team played in the junior futsal (indoor soccer) grand final. The teams were very evenly matched. They went goal for goal and both goalies managed to stop lots of attempts. At times the play was very tense.

The game was drawn at full-time and went into extra time before a member of my son’s team kicked the final golden goal. They were awarded bronze medals for being the top of the table and gold medals for winning the grand final. Here is a very sweaty victor. (Be glad that you didn’t have to drive home in the car with him!)

I have shown very little quilting content lately. This is not because I have been neglecting sewing or showing the results. I have been doing some secret stuff. One is a magazine comission which will be published in July and the other is a competition piece. I am experimenting with quilting my backgrounds before I add applique.

I am pleased with this quilting and haven’t quite decided if pre-quilting is something I will continuw to pursue. It has its pros and cons in the final result. I like that I have unbroken lines like topography lines across the fabric. I have used hand-dyed fabrics on a black background, which gives a dynamic result, but I’ll show you after I have entered it into the competition. I am also quilting with metallic thread. I love the glitz that it gives, but I hate having to deal with metallic threads, they do not behave!

I am still eagerly awaiting my new quilting machine and have pulled apart and re-ogranised my studio in anticipation of its arrival.

This week’s song is by special request for my sister Sussanah, who really should get her own blog! Nutmeg recently had a quote from Tom Hodgkinson’s How To Be Free on her blog which was commenting the inability to find happiness through consumerism. This song has a similar theme. It is questioning the hollow nature of the consumer society. I love a song with a political statement or one with lyrics that read like poetry. I especially love these lines:

I wanna be better than oxygen

So you can breathe when you’re drowning and weak in the knees

I wanna speak louder than Ritalin

For all the children who think that they’ve got a disease

I wanna be cooler than t.v.

For all the kids that are wondering what they are going to be

We can be stronger than bombs

If you’re singing along and you know that you really believe

We can be richer than industry

As long as we know that there’s things that we don’t really need

We can speak louder than ignorance

Cause we speak in silence every time our eyes meet

Last time I left you a song Nutmeg commented that the singer looked too young and made her feel old. Sorry this is a young guy too, but his words are wise beyond his years. Hope you enjoy it.

Something weird is happening with blogger formatting. On my screen there are spaces between paragraphs that don’t appear here. Sorry if it’s hard to read.

A Lesson for Everyone

I truly do love children. Especially in those early years of schooling, when they are curious, talkative creatures with a lust for life. I can talk with children for the longest time. I love to understand what they are thinking, how they view the world. I am very patient and would hate to make a child feel embarrassed or humiliate them in any way. I know how fragile ego can be and how essential ego is to level-headed adults.

This is a conversation I had this week with my niece who is in her first year of formal schooling. She is five.

I couldn’t eat my sandwich at lunch time today, Tracey.

Really? Why not?

It was too soggy.

How did it get soggy?

It had water on it.

How did it get water on it?

Someone accidentally flicked their yoghurt onto it, so I washed it under that tap.

Well, that would make it soggy.

Yes.

I think there’s a lesson in that for all of us!!

For Kerry

I have had an email from Kerry asking if I have any patterns for quilts which could be made for a young girl. I don’t have a website Kerry, but I have posted three of my designs here. Each is available as a pattern for $15.40AUD plus $1.00 postage. Let me know if any of them appeal to you.

Fairy Dance

Rosy Hearts

Hazy Daisy

Please, please, please

Can you see it now???

CHECK IT OUT!

WOOOT WOO!

I have a header (sing that line)

I have a header.

Thanks Brenda. I started with your information and added a bit and now…

I have a header!

Can you see it? Aunty Evil says she can’t. Please say you can. It looks beautiful on my computer.

Coins, keys, consciousness…and a summer song

Sorry that I could not maintain my alliteration.

Coins and Keys:

Yesterday I went to the aeroport to pick up my parents who had been to Sydney for a week. I went upstairs to wait for the plane which meant that I had to go through the security point. I removed my bangles and my shoes and put my bag on the x-ray belt then went through the metal detector. GOOD. When I got to the other side my bag was being held. I was told that I had a lot of keys and coins in my bag. I had to remove my keys…”That is a lot of keys!” I was told. I had to show my open my purse and show my coins…”That is a lot of coins!”

I consider myself an intelligent person, but I have no propensity to be an evil genius. Try as I may I cannot understand how keys and coins might pose a danger or why they were remarkable enough to make my bag worthy of inspection. How very paranoid we have become!

Consciousness:

On Friday I took my son to have a blood test. Nothing of concern. He last had one done when he was seven and threw a bit of a panic tantrum about it. I reassured him that he would not do that at the age of 12, he would just sit still. He was very nervous about the blood test, but he did stay very still and allow the nurse to do her job.

He didn’t watch the test being done…he looked away.

He offered this commentary, “That kind of hurt, but I can hardly feel it now.

I am kind of aware of it.

It is a little uncomfortable.

I am passing out now.”

I looked up to see all the colour drain from his face, sweat break out on his brow, then he slumped into the chair. He has a complexion like mine, so pale that he is almost iridescent

but he got a whole lot paler than this! Poor darling had to lay down for half an hour before he could stand up and walk from the room. He was very quiet for the rest of the day and it took the longest time for his fingers to warm, they were like icicles.

As we were leaving the nurse informed us that she hadn’t managed to get enough blood and we would have to come back again on Monday!!! Today he laid down right from the start and stayed conscious for the entire time. I took him to school but they rang me to say they were concerned because he was pale. He looks OK now and will certainly be going to school tomorrow!

A Summer Song:

I have become such a nerd that I have taken to going to youtube to find film clips for songs that I like. (I only just discovered that you can do this) I might just include a link to a song that I like from time to time. This one is Ben Kweller Sundress. Just beautiful. Hope you enjoy it.