There’s One in Every Family…

and Philip is the one in ours.

Remember all of that happy dancing I was doing. He knows how to stop it. This child will seriously be the death of me. Here is the loooong list of horrors he has perpetrated on his family.

At ten months he lost weight and was declared a ‘failure to thrive’ baby. Comforting words for any mother. He was hospitalised and had an endoscopy performed, but nothing was found. After a while he just started eating and gaining weight again.


At fifteen months he was watching a green frog on the screen door, leaning forward intently. The frog jumped, gave him a fright, he fell forward and chipped both of his front teeth on the metal door runners.

At two he was jumping on the trampoline with his sister – under parental supervision. He fell and injured his arm. I rushed him off to the after hours doctor who declared him fine. Three days later I returned to my regular GP who x-rayed and found it was fractured. He spent four weeks in a cast.


At three he got tonsillitis, for the very first time. He did not recover and he got an abscess on his tonsils. He remained on anti-biotics for almost three months before the decision was made to remove his tonsils. We took him off to hospital on the day of the operation and he was declared too ill to undergo surgery. We returned two weeks later and afterwards the surgeon remarked that his tonsils were almost rotten in his throat. By that time he had lost over five kilograms and was so weak he barely had the energy to even play.


At four he was doing a crazy pants dance in the lounge room. He flipped his legs out behind him and landed chin first on the tiles. As I picked him up I could see blood pouring from his chin. I held a towel to it and threw him into the car and drove straight to the doctor. My poor Pete arrived home to an empty house and a blood trail leading to the garage.

At four he burst an eardrum in the middle of the night. It was discovered that he had glue ear.ย A month later he had surgery to put a grommet into the unburst eardrum. Six weeks later we returned for another surgery to put a grommet into the healed eardrum.

At five he hopped out of the bath tub, dried off then did his usual nudie run down the hall to get his pyjamas. Somehow… who knows how… he misjudged the width of the hallway and run smack into the wall. There is still a crack in the plaster. He very nearly knocked himself out – not quite, but he was wobbly afterwards.


We survived a year without major incident.

At seven he caught a vomiting virus and vomited so hard that he split the lining of his stomach. He spent almost four days in hospital on a drip before he finally managed to keep food down.

At eight he fainted on school assembly. Thankfully the other children were packed in really tightly around him, so they managed to catch him.


At nine he was chasing a tennis ball as it rolled along the ground and ran right into a metal sink, splitting his head. Again – towel on top and rush off to the doctor.

At ten he burst an eardrum in the middle of the night. He took quite a few weeks to recover form the resulting infection.

We survived a year without major incident.


At twelve he ran through a jumping castle and managed to fracture his finger.

At thirteen he kicked a girl at soccer and managed to break his foot.

At thirteen he underwent major surgery to repair a severe pectus excavatum. Lots of his ribs were broken in the process.

This week, at fourteen, he went to kick a soccer ball at futsal. It was a long way away so he threw himself into the kick, lost his footing and fell onto his elbow, fracturing his collar bone. His pain threshold is so high that it took thirty-six hours for him to mention that “something wasn’t right and should this big red lump be on my collar bone?”

What can you do?

Would you like him?ย  I’m pretty willing to give him away…provided you have good health insurance.



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36 responses to “There’s One in Every Family…

  1. He is rather cat like isn’t he – esp. with those green eyes!

  2. What doesn’t kill him, will only make him stronger. I had an Uncle who had the same type of childhood, even survived Pearl Harbor. Lived until his 80’s and was never sick or accident prone after he reached adulthood.

  3. Your poor child has been to the hospital more times than my five children put together!!! Your blog has given me many giggles and many stories to share! (especially the one about the borrowing of the sister’s sock) Hope he gets better very soon.

  4. I giggled through this entire post. Is that wrong of me?? Kicked a girl and broke his foot!! I’ll be laughing about that all day!

  5. He’s been IN the hospital more times than I’ve VISITED one! Don’t send him here, my nerves couldn’t handle it. Hopefully he will be driving soo so he can take himself to hospital. Maybe you should tatoo the insurance id # on him somewhere.

  6. oh dear. i giggled all the way through, too. vicki mentioned driving — do you suppose it will actually be safe for him to drive??

  7. Oh my goodness! Children huh? Who’d have ’em??



  8. You know you wouldn’t give him away for the world! I like the story about kicking a girl and breaking his foot… there is some justice there!

  9. I’ve already offered to take him because he such a good gutter cleaner/child minder… but I didn’t know about all this…. let me think on it.

  10. Lucky he’s so cute – and that you live in a country with good health care and health insurance!

  11. grandma

    I’d have to take him. Even if you offer him on ebay I’d bid. He never damages his sense of humour; he makes me laugh every day. So, I’ll continue to pick him up when the school rings, drop him at the medical institute he needs to see and just shake my head at him. At least he comes up with new disasters each time. Keeps you on your toes.

  12. Oh Dear, is it wrong that I have been laughing all through that list.

  13. grandad

    Think how boring it would be in the house if Pip was not there causing his continual disasters. Never seems to worry him however.

  14. kirsty

    I’m with Grandma on this – at least he’s creative enough to come up with new and exciting ways to injure himself/entertain you. He’s considerate if not clumsy ๐Ÿ™‚

  15. I pity the person who takes you up on your offer to take him. You would haunt their front door step, trying to look in the window, you’d be calling at all hours.

    “My poor Pete arrived home to an empty house and a blood trail leading to the garage.” This made me laugh out loud, although it really wouldn’t have been funny at the time.

    Who’d want a boring kid anyway?

  16. Goodness – that would certainly keep you on your toes! I have no doubt his incredible charm and wit more than make up for these blips!
    BTW, absolutely love your new business. Congatulations on a brilliant idea!

  17. Crikey! That’s some list… I’m sure those lovely eyes get away with murder!

  18. Bloody hell, what a disaster area. I laughed guiltily at this too, it is such an impressive list. My fave is definitely the girl-kicking broken foot. Don’t kick girls Pip!

    I hope his poor collarbone is healing well and the pain is gone and your heart-rate is back to normal and your happy dancing resumed.

  19. I’d take him. I hav a Pip in training. He comes with his own medical dislaimer…

    Tracey, you make bautiful babies. He is gorgeous.

  20. With each new tale I was giggling and wondering “Oh Lord! I wonder what he did now!” It was ok to giggle, wasn’t it? It obviously didn’t injure his smiling muscles!

  21. Yikes! Poor Petey must be getting used to coming home to find remnants of blood and must just turn, re-lock the door and start heading to the hospital. As for myself, I can’t deal with all that blood. My stomach turns queasy and I feel dizzy (even as I type). Sorry, Pip, you can’t come here despite your gutter cleaning skills.

    PS: I nominated you/your new webpage for an award!

  22. M

    That’ll learn ‘im to kick a girl.

    I bet health insurers have you on a black list.

  23. Don’t be so hard on him … he is very good looking! What a funny read! Gorgeous photos! I’m still smiling!!!!!! Hey! I thought I said: “Don’t stop dancing” – turn up that music girl!!!!

  24. Heavens! What a litany of accident prone-ness.

    Surely he’s had his share of illness and injury by now? Pretty please.

    Thanks goodeness you don’t live in America, and have to pay squillions of $$$$$ for healthcare.

  25. goodness! if he carries on like that, you might have the next bionic man on your hands .. then you’ll have to sell him for six million dollars plus inflation!! (doesn’t six million dollars sound like a paltry sum nowadays as opposed to the 70’s when that was one of my favourite programmes, the six million dollar man!) xx

  26. sprucehillfarm

    Oh my gosh, you have to love those years with no incidets!
    I hope he heals fast! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  27. Oh just keep him, how could you live without that smile? Then again I’ll trade you, mine like to play with power tools and lighters… ;O)

  28. I laughed all the way through this post, yet at the same time the tears in my eyes aren’t quite all tears of laughter.

    Oh boy. Poor Pip. Poor YOU.

  29. As I read your list of Pip’s misfortunes, I could not laugh at all. We have one of those in our family, also a son. Just too much that sounded familiar, for me to laugh!

  30. h&b

    Jesus Christ, Philip !

    That’s all I can say on the matter.


  31. Argh! He certainly knows how to put you through it!

    Hipe he recovers quickly, and isn’t too sore while he does so ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

  32. yes – i will take him too!! I have seen he can mow the grass!! So long as he doesn’t do anything to his eyes – then you or anyone else can have him back! I don’t do eyes!!

  33. Yikes! You (and he) have just been through the mill, haven’t you?

    Wonderful post. Loved the interspersal of cheery photos with disasters.

  34. Ah, such excitement in one package!

    You have done very well not to wrap him in one of your gorgeous quilts and make him stay at home all day, every day!!

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