Trivialities

After an event so shocking and so all-consuming as the death of Ashleigh’s friend everything else seems trivial. I do intend, however, to return this blog to trivialities.

When someone so young is taken in a manner so horrible as this a strange thing happens. Many people, so many people, are affected. They react not to the loss of a much loved friend, but to the tragedy. Those who did not know her, who did not love her, are touched by the circumstance and also feel the need to participate in the grief. There is a canonisation of the victim, as people who participate at this level grieve the horror of the event rather than the loss of the person. These people have only the very best of intention, but their involvement in the grieving process can affect those who knew and loved her the most. The inner-circle of grief. The wave of other mourners can push the process along in directions unexpected. It can force the inner-circle of grief to make decisions and participate in ways they would not have chosen.

For this reason I will not write of this event again. I have decided to do this out of respect for that inner-circle of grief. They need the space and time to grieve in the way that is best for them.

Please accept my heartfelt thanks for your words of support. Please know that we are moving forward the same way that every person in this circumstance would. You put one foot in front of the other until one day you notice that you are walking.

10 Comments

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10 responses to “Trivialities

  1. You are so right. The moments, then the minutes, then the days become bearable as you move forward. It is slow, full of ups and downs. The outsiders will recede rather quickly and that inner circle will cling together and support each other in only the ways those closest can do.

  2. One of the best things someone said to me when Dad died was that they would be around for me in six months time when others had forgotten.

    Again you are making a decision based on wisdom.

  3. How wise you are.

    I think that you will find that the attention falls away fairly quickly. The grief does not. You have a long road ahead of you.

  4. Lisa

    Agreed with your encourging words – my thoughts goes to Ashleigh’s good friend and the families.

  5. As always you display a degree of wisdom and good judgement that alludes many. Wishing you and Ashleigh strength to deal with the steps ahead.

  6. I did, of course, mean to say “eludes many…” – but I’m sure you realised that.

  7. I second what everyone else has written before me. Take your time returning. We will be here for you, with open arms. My thoughts are again with you at this time.

  8. Clearly you have acted with great respect –
    please know that I will hold Ashleigh in my thoughts.

  9. I will be thinking of you all.

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